KARMA-REMEMBERENCE

I'm no longer lifeless

2011-11-25T21:56:00.001+11:00

I think the post title should be named: "I'm no longer lifeless" and you will find it so true..

I'm back, yeah i'm back to life, literally saying. I have been through hard times as other students might have due to exam period. However, this time, mine is way longer than anybody else's, maybe i'm exaggerating too much, but it's in fact yes. How could it be clearer than this? I've shut down my facebook for a whole month (estimation needed), abandoned twitter a month (i guess) and less time for internet as my internet quota exceeded the limit for couple of days ago (but Thank God it's been back again).

I thought I will be so over the exam with a big beautiful smile that I can give, yet the fact turns it all around. There are some disturbances that make me sort of unhappy today. There are some, but it's not worth telling, but the one that i'm going to say is that: "hey, finishing the exam is not a holiday for me anymore". Oh why? Firstly because I'm graduating soon, no more uni (for the time being unless I make up my mind taking what major for my master degree) and secondly, I'm worrying about my jobless life.

Knowing the truth is so painful, I was honestly so devastated knowing the truth that I asked my friend for some enlightenments. Hearing some good words and nice advice (thank you), my heart seemed to calm down for a bit. At least, that was when I realise that I should start learning to face the life and the truth more wisely instead of being so down. The dark is real, but God's help is also real, in fact it's more real.

One word for me (if you think it's for you, stick it in your mind): FACE IT!
You're welcome!

how to make 豆花/tahuhue/kembang tahu

2011-08-31T19:33:00.005+10:00

When I was having my finance lecture yesterday, there was no reason why something popped out in my head saying that.. "let's make 豆花!" and zingg!! I think I know how to make this.

First thing first, the steps that I used weren't from scatch and were truly inspired from Poh's kitchen website. There was a star guess (I forgot his name, but he is from Filipino background) who showed Poh how to make Filipino traditional dessert. It was made from silken tofu and it just has to be steamed and then poured palm sugar as the syrup, then done! How simple is that.. Poh is even shocked, that's not even dessert! (she said hahahah)

And now, what i need are:

1. one silken tofu

2. a bottle of soy milk

3. Raw sugar

4. bamboo steamer (any steamer will do)

AND THAT'S IT! how friggin simple this is!!

Actually, this dessert has many versions depending on where you come from. Since I am from West Borneo, where most people who sell this dessert use soy milk as the soup, I use soy milk as well. Other places like Jakarta, Medan or Surabaya have different types of soup, in which people use ginger and sugar water. It's nice, but I'm not a true fan of ginger so I prefer to stick with my original taste :p

Well, as I've got a bamboo steamer, steam the tofu (dispose the excess water of the tofu first, but be careful not to break the tofu apart as it's very silky) around 20-25 minutes. When you're done, let it rest to cool down. I know you are excited, but eating hot tofu will just burn your tongue.

Then, get some tofu and pour some soy milk. As the soy milk is already sweet, and I still want to put some raw sugar, I mix the milk with some water to dissolve the sweetness. lastly, put some raw sugar just for making the dessert have some textures.

You're done! Enjoy this.. and i'll promise to keep my blog updated with my cooking :D

how to make taro ball without using flour!

2011-08-28T09:30:00.008+10:00

Forgetting about miserable moments for a sec, I popped out an idea,why i don't just try to post something about my own made food?Since I've made quite a lot of them. I often took some photos of the stuffs and ingredients of my cooking and sent them to my mom via whatsapp. And yesterday I made my very first own taro ball, with 2 times failed trial. Don't mind, cooking isn't getting any better when you failed and came back with a handful of food of success, is it? Oh yes, the type of taro that I have is like this

Sometimes if you're lucky, woolworths may have it.. but because it's quite rare, you may find it at the market instead. Don't worry too much, any taro will do (i guess).

okay and here we go..

1. Probably the most important equipment that you ought to have is a shredder. Even better if you buy 4-side shredder so that you can use it for other purposes. Things to note, use this side

and don't use this side

the reason I failed twice was because i use the big-hole side, which made my taro shredded not in the proper texture.

It's easy, grate it with the small holes and the taro will come out very soft and the texture is similar to so-called 'silky' porridge. Don't worry about the starch when you are in the process of grating it, you can either squeeze the starch or just leave it as it is. And don't forget to add some sugar, to make it taste sweet.

The porridgy texture should appear like this:

2. make the shredded taro into a ball shape, the size depends on how big you want to eat it. So it involves a judgment call :p

Actually this picture was the one that i wrongly made because I used the wrong side of the shredder. Yet, the size that I meant was approximately like this. You can make it with your own hands or spoon (if you don't want to get dirty, but for me, the dirtier I made, the more exciting the cooking will be). But remember, when your spoon or hands get really ugly (i mean dirty), you should wash them, cuz the starch on the hands or spoons might make it more difficult to shape the taro balls. Oh yes, one more thing, be aware that taro starch somehow will make your hands feel so itchy (yes i suffered from the taro starch itchiness, duh!)

3. Then probably the most fun part is to steam them in a steamer. Whichever equipments you have, make the most of them! Fortunately, I have my bamboo steamer that I bought 2 semesters ago at the Asian grocery around Victoria market. So actually I was eased by having this steamer, anyway. Things to note tho, don't forget to put a half-wet clothes before you place the taro balls on the steamer, as they will get sticky on the steamer or even burnt. I guess you don't want to end up having your taro balls awful looking, do you?!

Okay, for the first time trial we might guess "well how will it look like to know that they are cooked?" I questioned my mom like hundreds times until I found it out by myself. The color of the taro should be more greyish-translucent (somehow), in which the color will be very different from the first time when they haven't been into the steamer. So don't worry, it may take 20-30 minutes to steam depending on how big your stove and your steamer are.

4. After you have your taro balls done, it's getting more exciting knowing that you're about to finish cooking and enjoy the dessert. Yet, you have to make the soup first. I used premium coconut milk (i don't what it looks like if you use cream, but just use milk then!). It doesn't matter if you want to use cheaper brand or more expensive brand, but I just want to make the taste good, so I prefer not to gamble thus I bought the premium one.

Cook the coconut milk and add some sugar (depends on your taste) and it's very quick to boil. My mom recommends me to use palm sugar, but I can't be bothered to cut and buy any palm sugar. However, if you have brown sugar, it's better.

Then pretty much that's it! Place the taro balls in the coconut milk and serve it..

AAAHH feels like home! :D

TIPS: if you feel like don't want to eat them all in couple of days, don't cook the taro ball all at once into the coconut milk. Believe me, placing them in the fridge is way better than cooking them all. so enjoy!

Lord have mercy!

2011-08-27T15:45:00.003+10:00

In a month, I saw 3 people that I know crying upon their sorrow of someone's death while I was cursing myself because of something that can be fixed. This makes me feel so guilty at the moment.
Looking this from a bigger picture perspective, it makes me realising more and more about the fact that God is everywhere and He always has something beyond our expectations.

A friend of mine has lost her sister this morning, oh my Lord and she is only 18, as young as my brother. I was terribly shocked, couldn't even say a word for some seconds. I thought it was a joke cuz I've never realised a person as young as her will be gone this soon. Surprisingly, although I don't know her that much, I feel deeply so sorry for her and I was about to cry.

A friend of my father's also has lost her new born baby, I don't know anything much from this but.. truly if I could, I wanted to hug them one by one badly. Their sadness has touched my heart. Makes me even more realising that, I was so stupid and very guilty to be mad to myself. I am given such a healthy condition, nice life to live on (though it's not always an even path) and happy family as well as friends.

Should we be grateful of what we have given, the more you realising that someone has lost what (s)he has, the more you know you are way sooooooooo lucky than anybody else. once again, be grateful. Thank God for every breathe that you have, every eye-blink that you can make, every step that you can walk on.. just everything.

Did you ever realise everything will be beautiful by the end?

2011-08-26T20:35:00.003+10:00

I questioned myself this morning, a big question mark entails it:
Dear myself, what IS my ability/skill/good side that I actually know?

I was so demotivated due to one big reason that I can't disclose to anyone in here. Not only because I'm not doing good enough (again) but I was also so worried that I have never given something to my parents that they can be proud of. This is for me, honestly, so disgraceful. I stumbled into a deep dark hole, cursing myself that I'm probably abandoned by God.
Again, looking what I've done, not believing Him is also something unacceptable.

An hour later, after trying so hard to hold my tears not to roll down onto my cheek, I realise that.. the fact is not about it's not beautiful, not because it's indeed awful looking, rather, it hasn't been the time for me to get what is the beauty of His grace. Maybe:
1. it's not my time yet
2. it's not my chance yet
3. it's not my turn yet
4. I haven't learnt enough from Him
5. I haven't been grateful to what He has given to me

Anyway, what is actually unpleasant may actually something that I haven't learnt enough to open my heart and accept the fact, because hero usually comes late, so am I, a strong hearted person has to learn many things, still... uneven long way trip with full of stones and holes are ahead of me.
Question of fact is actually un-answerable, because it should be me who can answer it proudly. So, when whatever you want hasn't been acquired after you've waited for so long and even you have put loads of hope on something, head held high people.. you got your own way, and everything will be beautiful at its time. Don't worry!

there you are up there, i can feel you over here

2011-08-14T18:19:00.002+10:00

Days have passed, time has flew, wrinkles are everywhere.. but, have we achieved everything that we should? I can only see everything slowly passes through me. Tears won't matter as we actually have to grow stronger.
Tho someone that we love may leave us someday, have we achieved the strength that we will use to face that? I know it may be painful, but be strong please.. as my housemate, i know that you can't cry but if you want to.. cry it out loudly.. tho i know you might not ask my help, but i send my condolence truly from my heart. I don't know who she is, but i know how it feels.

Therefore, let by gone be by gone.. and believe me, you will be alright :')

Happy August!

2011-08-07T09:57:00.000+10:00

It's August, it's supposed to be spring (in southern hemisphere) and fall (in northern hemisphere) already. However, in fact it's still winter in Australia particularly for Melbourne, and how lame it is!

Sunday, it sounds great as it is a total weekend that should be enjoyed by everyone, like gathering with family, hanging with friends, going out somewhere in case you got bored with CBD ambience; but not for me and my housemate.

The situation is that, my housemate has a lot to do in a week, 2 lab reports, online quizzes, pre-lab test for every week. Okay it sounds terrifying, if I were her, I wouldn't even remember when my Sunday is. Fortunately, my weekly burden is not as much as hers, however.. today's (hopefully its just a temporary) burden has made my heart sink for quite a bit.

Before I begin, forgive me if I have my own eye-candy or you can call it a crush. I have been admiring him at least for a year right now, wondering who he is, where he lives, how he is. Though it sounds like I'm such a pathetic stalker or a lame secret admirer, i don't care. I admire him, so why should anyone get annoyed with it? :p
The reason why I do that, erm... just imagine if you are such a huge fan of a very well-known actress or actor; or singer, sometimes you are so speechless to mention the reasons why we are so fond of someone. And yes, I'm speechless to name out numbers of reasons why I admire someone like him ;)

Okay stop for the opening talk, the reason why my Sunday suddenly becomes gloomy is that.. he is going back to Indo and leaving Melbourne, a.k.a back for good #ouch!
AHAAAAA! You get what I'm talking about, yes I'm brokenhearted to be honest. Reasons:
1. No more arbitrary chance to meet him anymore
2. Bigger/wider gap between me and him (even before this, I never talked so much with him, even through facebook)
3. No more somebody to be admired
4. No more EYE CANDY NOOOOOOOO!

For some people who are reading this, you guys probably know who I am talking about.. I'm not in love or whatever you want to call, but.. I'm calling it, a secret admiration. So well, goodbye then.. I believe whichever path God takes me to, I'm sure that's the best for me :)

SO PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IF YOU HAVE A GLOOMY SUNDAY TOO! :9

For the first time

2011-07-05T13:04:00.000+10:00

HALLELUJAH! it's been so long without blogging in my life, either it's because i had no idea what to write or i was too lazy to jot down something.

Recently (specifically yesterday) I got storms of news from couple of my friends, no, i mean, gossips. One of my closest friend is now in a relationship, YEAAAAAYY! At last, one of us in the group starts to have someone special :p So happy for her, as well as I was shocked and so astonished that I nearly choked on mouthful of food. While petrifying, I was also wondering, how her reaction and attitude would be with her boyfriend and stuffs. Asking this question to my friend, she was also wondering as well HAHAHA.

It's not the type of her to have such a huge commitment, I mean everyone surely will need one, but it's still beyond my expectation that she is having it right now.

In spite of above story, somehow, I had this old lame feeling, which tells me that I will probably lose more than a half of our "togetherness". I know exactly when you have this "distraction" you kinda have to move on with it, seriously, i mean stick with it, and even worse, you cannot pause it for a while and pursue a deep fresh breathe of singleness. We just CANT, oh my God =.=
I used to have this once, you know that. For the first couple of months time, well, its sweet and enjoyable. Yet, when everything is heavy-handed, HAHA you can't just say goodbye to it, it just have to be faced.. For the first trial, it's indeed an unprecedented experience. Well experience is the best teacher, some people say.

But thank God for this good news, hope that this one is the real one for her. I know she will be doing okay.
Once after all, happy holiday!

my heart is blind, thus I'm confined..

2011-03-06T00:28:00.000+11:00

I don't know what people say, I just follow the voice embraces the path that I take without knowing whose and what voice it is..
I don't even know you cause you're so terribly out of reach that I only observe anything observable from the state I'm standing at..
I am blind and greedy to acquire everything that I haven't owned with no knowledge of what I am having might be better than what I want to have.. Yet, once everything starts happening, I also start crying and regretting.. yes, the sign of lateness.. and I'm too late!

Thus, before things come too late to regret, I have to ensure myself that things come not because it is a coincidence, but it's planned. God gives me what I need, not what I want. If there is still no result, then.. perhaps God has His own time to set.

things don't change, people do

2011-03-04T23:29:00.000+11:00

things don't change, people do
momma gets older, but I still love you and always.. be forever young in my heart
... and for someone out there who is really out of reach.

when the world opens

2011-01-27T01:15:00.000+11:00

okay, i lost my camera. that's it for the bad quick info. the sweet little lovable one, and i just want to slap myself. recalling how it happened will open the unhealed scar. that's why i prefer to keep it secret, shared just with whom i was hanging out when the shit occurred. though, i was expecting to get one as well, but losing the old one like this was quite unacceptable.

and today, the primary reason why i post this is because I have been thinking about what I will do next year after graduation. Although getting a PR has been my essential goal for these years, knowing that obtaining one is extremely difficult these days makes me a lame pessimist. There is a rumor floating around, says "even you've got your IELTS an 8, you've got a job, still they do not guarantee you to get a PR" and DANG! my mind was just like blown up.
Second option after that is going back home. Well, it's not a mistake but until when I have to struggle saving money to pay back my parents' money and tears for my university fees? I just don't get it. It doesn't mean that I'm so greedy that I have to be a CEO directly after graduation (in fact, it's impossible), but being an employee back in my country aint easy. What I've been thinking to solve it, perhaps establishing a new line of my own business instead (though in fact it would be extremely difficult, but who knows?). What's more important, there will be still I and my bro who take care my parents in their old ages. That's all what I'm thinking about.

Where God leads me, I'm ready to go.. That's when I realise that my world isn't this small and it's even bigger than what my thoughts tell me..

terribly depressed

2010-10-15T21:49:00.001+11:00

i am not bored, i'm so depressed that i couldn't say a thing about it. To be precise, I'm in my lowest ground of mental breakdown, simple, it's because of 3 core subjects are getting harder. So fucking hard that I can't handle them up to this point. I don't know how I am going in the next few days or in a week ahead, will i understand and catch the idea or not? Let's just pray. I believe God is the remedy. I just want another strength and patience to walk through these (quoted from Ryan)

I am so sensitive, I don't know whom I have to speak with, even myself whom I keep questioning to, why should I be so depressed like this just because of hard subjects? If you laugh at me, keep laughing then. I know it sounds so stupid, but it's just like a downturn that I cannot the see the finishing line.

I might be too hard to myself as well, when I failed in a thing, I keep saying that I'm stupid in this and that, though I'm fully aware that failure doesn't show someone fails whatsoever has to be dumped.

What I need is just some support from whoever is reading this crap, even a word of or a LOL to laugh at me I don't mind. I just need someone's attention and support to help me to fix my broken hearted moment to be a cheerful creature that I used to be. Not a fragile hearted and so vulnerable like this!!

the ugly truth but i'm still excited

2010-10-10T10:15:00.000+11:00

oh my God i just can't believe what my eyes told me that
HARRY POTTER DEATHLY HOLLOW PART 1 IS NOT GOING TO BE IN 3D because they have impediments to finish 3D version. That is sad to be the truth! I have been very excited to wait for Harry Potter and going to watch in 3D before going back to Indo. At last, Harry Potter blooms once more and beats those edward (suck)Cullen thingies (apologize my writings if it's wrong, cuz i don't even care if his name is wrong written)

SOURCE:
http://www.metro.co.uk/film/843499-harry-potter-deathly-hallows-3d-film-axed
http://celebrity.okezone.com/read/2010/10/09/206/380804/deathly-hallows-1-versi-3d-tak-jadi-dirilis

Joe Hishaishi

2010-10-03T21:47:00.000+11:00

While people perhaps are pigging out, I might be different as I'm crazing about Joe Hishaishi's music. Perhaps I'm a bit too late (and old) to realise Hayao Miyazaki's masterpieces (after Totoro) and Joe Hishaishi's magical conduction.. Here are some that I might repeat all day long

this one makes most people have their goosebumps while listening to this song (especially after watching princess mononoke)

soundtrack of spirited away

howl's moving castle

enjoy your goosebumps dancing through your body.. and these are called music! not "so called" music like these days crappy and meaningless ones!

02 10 2010

2010-10-02T23:50:00.000+10:00

October comes, daylight time saving comes, exam timetable arrives, last month before exam comes, 3 friends having same bday on 2nd of Oct comes too.. everything comes at the same time, and i've just realised when they popped out just now.
What makes everything impressive is Emmy's surprise bday since myself is involved a lot in 2 of the surprise party.

The 1st one is old house buddies surprise blast:
- I and my housemate made the cake (I found that mudcake perhaps a good cake to give for the bday girl)
- I and other buddies were trapped in the middle of the night waiting for Emmy came home in the middle of the night from uni while our eyes were too heavy already, but it went very well, and that makes my heart blings!

Making chocolate truffle and chocolate glaze

with my prayers and fingers are crossed

Chocolate mix

Let's beat it yo!

Shifted flour and sugar

Okay, i admit the cake doesn't look like the way i expect it should be. In the recipe, I should have used cake tin with 23cm diameter, but what i have is only 20cm and it turned out to be the mixture is too thick and guess what, it took more than half an hour to bake which scared me to death. The surface doesn't go smooth anymore because the cake is mixed with self-raising flour, thus it rises till the top cracks and doesn't look good whatsoever. But what I thought is this is done from the strong willingness and of course from our heart! This is how the cake looks like:

The 2nd bday surprise:
- Emmy's friends contacted me to set up the plan and things through facebook hidden event and secretly added me as their friends though Emmy might get quite suspicious when she saw why on earth her friends add me as their friends out of the blue without me saying any single words to her
- Venue is eventually set at my flat and of course with my flatmate's permission
- Not surprisingly and what makes me happy is Emmy would have never expected that all her friends come home from church and stayed at my place

Bringing good things and impression in happiness make me feel good! happy bday to Ellen, Jessica and Emmy.. Hope your wishes come true, God's blessings and best things are always with you girls!

What I did For Love & Telephone (Glee Cast Version) - Glee Season 2 ep.1

2010-09-30T07:38:00.000+10:00

special performance of Charice x)

Kiss today goodbye,
The sweetness and the sorrow.
Wish me luck, the same to you.
But I can’t regret
What I did for love, what I did for love.

Look my eyes are dry.
The gift was ours to borrow.
It’s as if we always knew,
And I won’t forget what I did for love,
What I did for love.

Gone,
Love is never gone.
As we travel on,
Love’s what we’ll remember.

Kiss today goodbye,
And point me t’ward tomorrow.
We did what we had to do.
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for love
What I did for love.

Love is never gone
As we travel one
Love’s what we’ll remember.

Kiss today goodbye.
Point me t’ward tomorrow
We did what we had to do.
Won’t forget, can’t regret
What I did for love.
What I did for love.
What I did for love.

upset is useless

2010-09-30T00:09:00.000+10:00

i hate something being sabotaged, and this puzzles me.. is this the shitty way you want to make me sick of you? *sneeze on your face*
you know that if something that I want has been grabbed by others, i won't be eager to pursue it any further. now you seize what i've been wanting for ages with your ego, and it just makes my heart sink. i think if that's what you want.. then, so be proud and so be it. i am just grateful that now i know what kind of person you are. thanks!

mean no harm and no hard feeling

2010-09-22T08:58:00.000+10:00

I just felt it's so disgusting to live among selfish, bitchy and ignorant people. I mean like, it's nice thinking about living in this world longer than when those people actually doesn't exist at all. Wasting my breath and cracking my nerves are all you can do. Moreover, could you please think about how others feel when you say something, act something, you're no longer at your home when you can conquer everything that you've ever wanted. I'm neither your siblings nor your parent, so please be considerate to the others. What's so wrong if i want to do things that doesn't affect you AT ALL? oh please, do not judge me upon things i bring and do, it should be you who have to be judged, how you act and comment people nastily like that. EWW!
I'm not sorry for things that I do if it's boring or nerdy, as long as I enjoy it and it doesn't hurt you, who cares? Oh yes, another thing, could you please step away for a minute from my schedules? Just want to breathe freely when no one cares about what I do, whom I'm gg out with, especially during this time. I just want to enjoy myself! puhleaze..

desperation is so close

2010-09-17T16:42:00.001+10:00

i was so down that i couldn't breathe. even more, i couldn't realise to tell myself that tomorrow is gonna be my trip to Gold Coast, but dang! i was mental break down, stumbled in pieces and cracked, even cannot think clearly anymore. I felt that lucks had gone from my side for the time being, and I saw my friends got those lucks, it tore me into pieces. it's just like, damnit!
i thought i've prepared for my midsem already, quite ready to face the test, but what?! i just got only like 69.2% like that? how am i supposed to stretch my brain in this break? it isn't just that, i've got another midsem and the score hasn't been published yet. i was so scared like hell, man. seeing other people happy getting higher score than mine (fyi, 75% above it's okay for me, but 69%?) just killing me slowly.
I know God is so fair, but I just don't get the point. I really don't. When the truth will be revealed either, i don't know! don't ask me! i'm just too desperate, now. how i wish moolah could sweep away this bitterness and i would spend it like hell..

alright, half an hour has already passed, and my positive thinking has been back. Alright, i screwed, but i didn't screw up that bad okay.. i was just like 3 points away from my friends and i think that's reasonable enough. so thank God, or perhaps any prayers that are sent to me right now, it does help me, really and THANKS! I know, and now i get what the point that I didn't understand just now, and I'm sure and my faith will be with me forever, though the luck perhaps not with me for the time being, but of course, my faith also wish that bunch and PILES of luck will be with me SOON! amen.

happy holiday, and now i can have my trip with full of smilessssss!

my mind has nothing, just a strong faith in it

2010-08-28T10:41:00.000+10:00

Currently stuck with extrapolating mind of 2 or 3 weeks ahead doom! My mind is stuffed up with so many things. Forgetting about uni stuffs, I just had a really big stuck with an issue.

How if you had a friend that is not really straight-minded as the other people are? I meant like, when you're told to take a deep breath and take a look at yourself then change it, I'm pretty assured that you'll that way. But how if he changed but it yields an extreme result, e.g. not getting near hell way to you anymore, and what makes me sad is he's one of my closest friends in this universe!! It's not happening yet, it's not, and I'm not hoping that it'll be happening either, it's just a feasible thought, though i don't like it. What I'd just like to say is.. 我意味不是这样吧。。that's it.

Thanks for the help, but what stands on the bottom of my heart is like the way it is now.. I couldn't blame anyone if anything worse happens.. I just hope it's not happening!

我的信仰就。。你是我的好朋友。

arbitrarily random

2010-08-12T08:21:00.000+10:00

Sometimes people deserve to be judged what they are doing, not what they have done
Sometimes it's better not to bother too much since otherwise we'll see deeper and find not-so-good things happen
Sometimes it's better to spread your eye-sight to everyone you are trying to communicate to, not sticking on one's eyes
Sometimes keeping mouth shut is better rather than you annoy the others

.. and.. will I survive?

2010-07-11T11:49:00.001+10:00

too long not touching my own beloved blog. now here i come who is enjoying the holiday, who is about to welcome new semester (end of the 2nd year) and who was just taking lotsa pictures.

These are just some of the whole albums, check it out!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=56887&id=1058525579&l=aa78e4fa33

give comments, critiques, likes or whatever as many as you want to

DONE.

devastated

2010-05-30T22:24:00.001+10:00

i didn't expect such a silly overwhelming brain that I usually can cope will drive me depressed like this. i'm so sorry for myself to letting it deeply down like this because of my negative thoughts that emerged in my brain again and again today. hope that tomorrow I'll be okay and surely everything will be fine as well. I know, I'm stressed out because of time pressure, and I think it's okay to cry since this heart is very devastated.

DONE.

When the phone rings

2010-05-08T10:36:00.000+10:00

My mind stuffed up with full of SAP project then suddenly a call from property agent came:

Me: "Halo"

She: "Hi, is this Helen applying for unit 805 Verve"

Me: "Yes"

She: "Hi, this is from Melcorp calling, how are you today"

Me: (not clearly listened to her and it made me look so stupid) "ermm I'm.. sorry?"

She: "... oh yep! today we'll ask for the owner to give the approval form for you, and you have to pay for the bond" yadda yadda yadda.. "and would you like to pay for 12 months contract?"

Me: (i didn't say straightly yes or no, instead..) "Emm so when i have to come and pay then?"

She: "Would you like to come on this Monday to settle?"

Me: "What time would be good?"

She: "Actually I'm pretty flexible on Monday, so you can come whenever you like"

Me: "Oh, cool! so.."

She: "So you have to come with your flatmate to come and sign the contract"

Me: "Oh okay then"

She: "Now, I have to get the approval form from the owner then see you at the office on Monday!"

Me: "Yap! Beautiful, see you then. Bye!"

One question from me right now: "Am I accepted yet?" hopefully yes! Cause I've crossed everything that I can cross on my whole body!

UPDATE: when I was in Coconut House with a plate of hainan rice with me, melcorp texted me "CONGRATULATIONS!" and I was YEY! *phew at last, one of the big concerns for this month is settled!

DONE.

breath!

2010-04-23T22:07:00.001+10:00

at last, a day to breath, thanks to ANZAC day.

as everyone knows, long weekend after quite a long suffocation

feels like sheer short heaven (but joyful to be in),

plus an ice cream just now, movies tomorrow + dinner, and another dinner with my cousin Sunday night.

At least, I can catch a breath.. after a long week and painful assignments!

Though, I know I have to face another thing soon *smirk!

DONE.

pursuit of happyness, yes it's "Y"

2010-04-22T20:01:00.000+10:00

Once you have a strength, just keep it in your heart. Let what your faith will tell you, where you are heading to. It doesn't mean you life in this horrible life will suffocate you to death, I got problems, you did too! so why do we brag? so why do we whine? just keep your tears and lock it in your mouth and head. You might only see what's dead, what's dreadful, what's horrible in your own world, see outside too hey buddy!

To see clearly what I meant, watch pursuit of happyness rather than watching other craps! this one is totally meaningful and teaches us how we should appreciate every single thing in this life. Especially people full of lacks in their life.

when they have to stay nowhere else nastier than there, they still have one faith that

hasn't been fulfilled. So wherever you go, please keep that faith always!

"Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do it! Got it? Even from me!

So if you have dreams, you have to go after it! Just please remember there's no one

in this world can say you can't do what you want!"

when they have to stay in subway station toilet because they have nowhere else to stay

DONE.

inclining exponentially

2010-04-21T19:43:00.000+10:00

Let's ignore the number of visitors by holding the y-axis as number of my assignments, we can see that the graph is exponentially inclining with the respect of time. And that is what exactly happens to me right now. As second year comes, I'm feeling like theseee assignmentssss never end. Couple assignments due together, then next day, another one comes up! yey!

DONE.

do the contrary? or the other way around?

2010-04-16T17:35:00.000+10:00

don't you think it's kinda peculiar when you actually have to do something in some special circumstances but what you have to do at that time is the other way around? I meant like okay.. to avoid someone gets embarrassed, you shouldn't do to help him out of that moment, instead, you just have to stay cool and just let that moment flows and he'll do okay. At this point, there is one stage when everyone attunes to nuance since everyone must be very awkward with whatever happens at that moment. Or different instance but same basic situation, when you are supposed to tell the truth as we've been taught since we are kids, but once you face conditional situation that forces you shouldn't tell the truth, it's kinda stupid if you do the right thing at that SPECIAL moment. Even worse, when you do so, people won't give you a big full smile rather than just a big grin for you!!

What i reckon from today was, not everything happens in front of you teaches you to do the right things, which will make other feels bad, rather than, just do something a bit not right but it's not gonna make other feels bad. The reason behind this was, try to put yourself as how the other will feel if you do what you are doing right now. Sense the feelings that will happen, sense the sensation that will occur, how bad it will be, etc. Because, what we do is not always right or does make sense for others. This was what my friend also agreed with as well. Other opinions are welcomed though!

Ah! and one last thing came out from my mind few hours ago was everything comes out from one's mouth when (s)he is under not so good situation usually tends to be from the bottom of one's heart, either consciously or unconsciously. Consider when you were under some not so nice situation (let say, when you are really embarrassed in front of the public), you would tend to do or say things (not purposely) right? oh well, whoever went through such things, I'd be absolutely on your side, as I know very well how it feels!

DONE.

2010-04-14T09:58:00.000+10:00

Success is never final and failure never fatal. It's courage that counts

(George F. Tilton)

I used to have my time jog limit for 2 minutes and I will have short of breath, extreme dizziness and sense to vomit, but today I've proven to myself that I can jog 10 minutes non stop without short of breath, little dizziness and almost no sense to vomit. When your courage counts, your practices also do!

DONE.

early winter oh no!

2010-04-13T09:40:00.001+10:00

and melbourne is back to its winter mood but i think this is too early to be winter since autumn hasn't come yet, i don't see any leaves fall instead of 60kph wind and 3-5 times rain in a day just like in 10 minutes. People haven't been in Melbourne must be pissed off with Sunday's weather, at day it was just like 18 degrees, light rain in the morning, another light rain at noon, wind speed reached 40+ kph then increased to 50+ then to 60+. And today another cold day again *phew!

DONE.

my fingers are crossed, really crossed!!!!

2010-04-09T07:57:00.000+10:00

everybody needs inspiration

everybody needs a song

a beautiful melody

when the nights so long

cause there is no guarantee

that this life is easy

when my world is falling apart

when there's no light to break up the dark

that's when I..

I look at you

.. but I'm never looked for we never talk more than what we are doing right now, i just can say "please" from now on.. So God would you also please give me a chance to try? I don't cry for old beast memories, so this time I would like to have new ones, please.. *fingers crossed*

DONE.

double shock curse

2010-04-07T07:47:00.000+10:00

I sleep over at my friend's flat tonight, chatter about girl's talk. Well about the tutor that I mentioned twice at the previous posts, at last the other friend of mine (who will sleep over) also added him and within 2 hours, she is accepted as his friend, while me and my friend who are his students haven't been accepted at all. Okay let's talk about other things first, I was shocked to see that his birth date is exactly the same as mine, exactly 4 years gap. My friend knows him, one thing that I can do now is beg her to talk a bit about me waaahahahah! I am so desperate!

My friend also knows about my other friend's tutor, and that's a coincidence! laughing all the way, this is really double shock curse lol.

but anyway, i'm still a bit disappointed about our friend requests (we have been waiting for like 2 weeks but still no answer), what the hell is wrong accepting students' facebook requests? Is there any distinct hierarchy that we have to face? But anyway, I still have a faith!

DONE.

hair cut

2010-04-05T18:42:00.000+10:00

BEFORE

AFTER

nothing much different in terms of length, but the guy (called Leo) made new hair layer for me, and honestly.. the wax applied to my hair smells goooooood. But I don't think to spend many times having hair cut in here, too pricey mannn!

DONE.

break

2010-04-03T08:08:00.000+11:00

heyy before everything is typed i just want to say, happy easter for everyone.

okay! today is Good Friday, I don't expect every shop in Melbourne closes and that's bad because I've planned that today is a good day to shop a bit after I watched "how to train your dragon". Since the plan is kinda ruined, I decided to watch another movie and I bought my 3D glasses (so next time watching 3D @hoyts I don't need to pay for any extra money), "clash of the titans".

To be honest, I'm kinda disappointed because I was expecting for another wow movie with wow movie effect, but it turned out to be kinda overrated. The story line is almost similar with "Percy Jackson and the lightening thief". And another honesty from me, how to train your dragon is good! whoever watched UP, might like this one as well.

Besides that, we spent time strolling around the city, ordered choco churros, and accidentally saw our tutor that I mentioned before, and i think the reason underlies that is since we talked a lot about him (i meant talk craps ;p).

anyway, have a nice break!

DONE.

I just simply declined my intention

2010-03-31T22:10:00.000+11:00

today i went to the accounting study tour to north America, at 5:30 pm. I was very excited about this and I'd do the most to go for this tour, since the destination is America, especially it will be done on this June - July. The main objectives are well-structured and I liked what this tour aimed for student's future. Very unfortunately, at last after sat for hour and a half, I walked away from the seminar.

REASONS:

1. It costs $8700 which means almost my semester pay fee

2. Well it's just a study tour, it's not a high class tour, so what is the point paying such a fee just for staying 5 star hotels like Sheraton and Hilton? Even the guy said, "someone approached me and asked me why we just don't stay like at 2 star hotel? and i said to him, well you'd better go, I think I wouldn't do the same" like.. omg, it's just such arrogant words I've ever heard.

3. Besides it's very costly, the tour will yield subject credit for level 3 commerce elective, and I don't think paying such a huge amount of money for a credit (for a subject) is worth for a visit.

4. I'd better go home and meet my beloved friend, Bella and spend time with my family since I still can do so

And finally my last comment is, this is still not my path to go to the US then. Again, God will lead everyone's path.

DONE.

opportunity cost? i don't care, i just don't want to take the risk

2010-03-30T22:16:00.001+11:00

Once you took a step further to make a decision but something hindered your step, your heart is united in you but it branched into two, your heart is so ego that all options want to be chosen, what would you do?

Next week is easter holiday, I'm just wondering why everybody is so excited and what to be excited about? I meant, we still have 3 midtests coming up, does everyone realize that easter holiday means an extra time for us to study? And I'm soooo curious why everybody is planning some trips going here and there like things are done?

Next tuesday is supposed to be a trip to Orlinda, I'm eager to go there but my heart said that it's not a right time to enjoy a trip, of course it's not only about to study but also to enjoy your time, but i don't think the second thing mentioned there fits with my time. So I canceled it, i just can't take any risks for my test just for a night to remember. If I eventually go, means that there are 2 days will be used for nothing while 2 days means I can study a lot of things at home.

Well, happy holiday for those who can enjoy your time, but please bear in mind, easter break doesn't mean that you can spend lot of time laughing all the way, but it's an extra time for you to enjoy yourself studying! whatever people may say, perhaps I'm nerd, but you are more stupid if you take the risk.

DONE.

another randomness part 2

2010-03-29T23:56:00.000+11:00

Today was also really randomized! I did my homework like 5 hours since I didn't really understand the steps how to do the problem, and I got stuck hungry like at 9:15 or so since I skipped my dinner and I thought I'd be okay which turned out to be I wasn't okay at all.

Then my friend called me and chatted with me through the messenger and eventually we ended up with going to Domino's pizza and came home continuing our unfinished chat, suddenly she decided to go to gym with me as well.

What worse is she forced me to change my relationship status to be with her while I clearly stated I'm only interested in men LOL! We're too fussy about unimportant things while I always talk about the guy who is our tutor and actually he is not cute to be an eye candy but somehow he is seemed intelligent and nice! aww! ah well, have a nice night.

DONE.

a day of rush and $5 movie

2010-03-28T20:44:00.000+11:00

today was full of unexpected events. I studied early on Sunday morning, and that's quite unexpected. Usually I start doing something on Sunday like on 10 above, but today I started like 9:30. 2 hours straight made me quite bored, went to White Tomato for Korean cuisine, went home and found nothing to do, again, made me bored. My housemate gave me an idea, how about going to hoyts for $5 movie, basically it's kind of promotion from Kinder Bueno chocolate, 2 packs and we can get a printed id to show and we can buy a movie ticket for $5.

Rushing to print those papers and to go to the city, and at last.. Nanny McPhee & The Big Bang.

I don't know how and why, but after went home, I found myself so uneasy. I felt so wrong spending whole day like this instead of staying at home. Yet, I thought it once more time, if I did so, what should I do at home? Took a nap and that's all? I'd rather go to the movie and enjoy myself. Then more importantly, i just want tomorrow to be very okay *fingers crossed*.

DONE.

don't worry, it's just a dream

2010-03-28T14:30:00.000+11:00

the dream was real and stuck in my brain.

someone opened the door when I was trying to make my room. I was distracted, looked at who opened my apartment door. It was him, the asshole dumper.

I asked, "Hey how could you get into my room?" He answered me as nothing happened, "Why not? Since this used to be my room as well!" and smiled to me. Even worse, he jumped onto my bed and lied down innocently, "Here is very warmy and I liked the scent of your bed"

I was like wtf is wrong with you hell pervert? You suddenly came into me again and acted like you used to be. Then he said, "Come here!" ewww no way!

Then i woke up, finally it's..

DONE.

Earth Hour

2010-03-27T21:40:00.000+11:00

Okay, so for those who haven't been 8:30 pm today, please do the right thing tonight as good humans. Turn off lights just for an hour is not a big deal, is it?

Some might argue, so what? It's not about only "so what" but it's about how you treat your life thriftily and how you save energy. Because by saving energy you also decrease the bad emission to lighten your lights, laptops so on and so forth, therefore you help your mother earth to live healthier! Got it? So let's do it. And, be self-conscious!

DONE.

colors

2010-03-26T20:29:00.001+11:00

color your life and live happily and freely!

DONE.

Indonesians

2010-03-25T22:19:00.001+11:00

"Lupat? It sounds like Malaysian, are you malaysian?"

"No, I'm Indonesian."

...

"And you? There is "tj" there, Indonesian too?"

"HAHA yes"

"where are you from?"

"Medan"

...

"Helen Margo?"

"Yes"

"And where are you from?"

"Guess what?"

"Australia?"

"Ohoho no, I'm Indonesian too!"

DONE.

♚♚♚

2010-03-25T19:35:00.000+11:00

♚ sensitive yes i am right now. I don't like to be touched, pinched, tickled or whatever any physical contacts onto my body

♚ tired since I rushed everything for this weekend I want to be free

♚ dislike people who are being smart aleck and judge people don't base on any structured or accurate observation, wth!

♚ DONE.

my life is not that narrow, not that hollow

2010-03-24T19:28:00.000+11:00

I laughed my head off when I saw one of that moron who always brags about his busy life rejected "sth" while I used to see he will do everything to get that "sth" and is very willingly to get it. I meant, that's very boastful when you say something in front of the public, esp. in the internet where people can see, read and criticize what you did right now, and you turn out to do a totally different thing. Oh c'mon, life is not that narrow, not that hollow too! we are given this life, so just be happy within it, no matter what your dilemma or your sorrow.

Anyway, today I received an email, again about the university research stuffs. I'll get $30 for one attendance! yeay! 30 bucks is enough for my 3 days meal lol! And.. I still can't believe that I loosed 1 kg. I went to see my weight 2 days ago, and i think it's quite nice when I can eat as much as I want (with no diet) but I can loose weight!

DONE.

about slacking off and the stupid scale

2010-03-20T10:40:00.001+11:00

okay! time to concentrate now, no more bragging (it's like I'm fooling myself whinning all the time, because it's totally useless). Second year is quite tough, I meant in the sense of managing time. Okay this is not grumbling, this is kinda information released lol

✭ Reading, especially OB (Organisational Behaviour) is like a whole bunch everyweek!

✭ Cost management as well, I really should catch up with this subject!

Well perhaps the feeling of slacking off these days because I was hindered by those assignments this week. Hopefully next week and the afters will be better (Amen!)

Okay one more thing and I promise this is the last one for this post, I kinda feel quite weird about the weighting scale in the gym. Look, once when just came back from my home sweet home, I was eager to know how my weight would be at that time, and quite surprisingly I gained 1kg, first, I was shocked, second, I thought about it once more time, there must be something wrong with the scale! AHAHAHA it's too impossible for me to gain weight just in 2-3 days! that's totally so wrong!! Okay so I set my home scale = the uni gym scale.

And this morning, I tried once more, eayy.. I loosed almost a kilo? whoaw!

DONE.

busy week

2010-03-18T09:02:00.000+11:00

Current status: very busy

whatelse? Oh I feel like I'm another architect student who overwhelmed with assignments (but not as extreme as them, I'm just saying literally like that). It's only week 3 and two assignments are due on this Friday. I haven't really finished my project for SAP because my friends haven't as well. And today another lecturer of mine has announced another assignment to be submitted on week 5.

I asked my friend: "eay when will we work together?"

My friend: "this week lah!"

Me: too shocked to say anything, just "YOU KIDDING ME! I'm slack of other subjects reading, I haven't touched them for this week, next week lah!"

No further discussion..

I don't know, I don't know and I just don't know! I just want this Friday to come faster which means that I can finish those two assignments faster as well! God bless everybody!

DONE.

CAO!

2010-03-16T23:54:00.000+11:00

wooooooooooooooo it so nice to see you sir! greeting me like as nothing happens, oh you are an asshole. Don't you know I'm having assignments that due dates are coming up on this Friday? Just shut up and don't ask me to do anything for you! I'm just soooooo not into you anymore! cao!

DONE.

oh i have my magic wrench!

2010-03-14T22:46:00.001+11:00

okay so what's going on with guys nowadays? are they so queer that it's fun to talk things blear? I meant, why those gays have to talk behind one's back, and pathetically queers talk behind girls. Is it time of gay's emancipation and I just arrived in mother earth? They have to know, that's too crude for a girl that perhaps is not strong hearted so she doesn't try to shout back to those gays' face. If I were her, I would pinch their nipple with wrench till they cry and ask to stop and even worse, I won't stop and put down the magic wrench!

hey dude.. please remember karma is around and you still have time to butt out! Or else, you can enjoy life and cheer while you can wait till karma will swamp your life!

DONE.

ignorance is your new best friend

2010-03-14T10:04:00.000+11:00

I tried to forget past experience several times. Yet it still comes more often since he is also in Melbourne right now. I don't mind saying that this wrath has been growing as his schedule to come back here dues. But I do to say that I also shed tears each time I thought about how this feelings hurt and disappointed. To be frank, this is too tedious! Yet, though there might be any opportunities for me to still meet him, we only have to face a big black dead end that stop us to carry laugh together again. There is no way to fix this problem in any way. Moreover, I might be quite sure that it will end up with a big anger from me or even swearing words come out from my mouth. So I think, there's no point seeing each other and I also always hope that God won't make us meet each other accidentally.

Or.. this is because I am too hard to my friends, probably? Even be harder for those who didn't ask for any forgiveness and didn't realize their own mistakes.

DONE.

If I'm a bad person, you don't like me

Well, I guess I'll make my own way

It's a circle, a mean cycle

I can't excite you anymore

Where's your gavel? Your jury?

What's my offense this time?

You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me

Well sentence me to another life.

Don't wanna hear your sad songs

I don't wanna feel your pain

When you swear it's all my fault

Cause you know we're not the same

No, we're not the same

No, well, we're not the same

We're the friends who stuck together,

We wrote our names in blood,

But I guess you can't accept that the change is good

It's good, it's good

You treat me just like another stranger

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go,

I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go,

I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend

This is the best thing that could've happened;

Any longer and I wouldn't have made it

It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture

I'm just a person, but you can't take it

The same tricks that, that once fooled me

They won't get you anywhere

I'm not the same kid from your memory

Well, now I can fend for myself

Don't wanna hear your sad songs

I don't wanna feel your pain

When you swear it's all my fault

Cause you know we're not the same

No, we're not the same

No, we're not the same

Yeah, we used to stick together,

We wrote our names in blood,

But I guess you can't accept that the change is good

It's good, it's good

You treat me just like another stranger

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go,

I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go,

I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend.

Ignorance is your new best friend,

Ignorance is your new best friend.

You treat me just like another stranger

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go

I best be on my way out

You treat me just like another stranger,

It's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go,

I best be on my way out

(Paramore - Ignorance)

a blast and a sweet treat

2010-03-08T23:28:00.000+11:00

happy birthday for myself, i'm being 20 now. What a life! foremost, thanks God for any help, grace and wonderful life that had been given to me, and they are tremendously beautiful.

Okay, last night I was waiting till 12 when date started changing to be 8/03/2010, okay after getting greeted from some friends, I decided to go to bed since I was so drowsy. Oh yes but I forgot to set the alarm for 10 o'clock lecture this morning. Turning on the lamp and housemates got so noisy knocked my door like there was a fire. What next was, they blindfolded me, pulled me into the toilet cubical and threw a nasty mixture like koko krunch + whipe cream onto my hair in the middle of the night.

Imagine that, I was left alone after that and I had to clean up those mess by myself for I was afraid that others in the same house of me wanted to pee or sumthing and found out those mess. I used hot water and I got no key to put in after that (fyi, my house got a key for having hot shower twice a day). Washing my hair which was like shit and rushing down, and finding out that there was a brunetti white chocolate cake with 5 candles on top with light switched off. I guess that was ah-mazing or even argh-mazing surprise. Since I had never been given cakes for my birthday and such a surprise.

As a return, having a small chance, I treated those humans gelatissimo. I intended to have freddo instead, but today is Monday so it's closed. But gelatissimo is good though :D

and thanks for Jesslyn for the blog post! thanks for my parents and families, thanks for Bella and Mellani for the nice pictures, and other friends for today!

May everyone has a good day as well.

DONE.

Cheers!

2010-03-03T23:54:00.000+11:00

remembering that today is my friend's 20th bday, tomorrow is gonna be my mom's! then 4 days later, it's gonna be mine.. stressed out, of course i am. why? turning to 20 is like letting our beloved thing goes away freely like that, which means my teen age now becomes older :(

Besides, i'm looking forward to enjoying my second year going to moomba festival and alice in wonderland soon!

Cheers.

DONE.

Sense of Melbourne trip

2010-02-25T19:09:00.000+11:00

heyy at last I'm back in Melbourne, the city of reality for every student. Before this, I encountered so many worry thoughts across my mind.

1. I was struggling not to cry when my parents sent me to the airport, I begged not to stay and chat with them since the longer it was, the harder I had to struggle to be strong. 3 months holiday is hell fun, but it's also hell hard to leave hometown, home-sweet-home, friends and family.

2. First thing came to my mind is that, omgshit VISA! Well, I renewed my passport last January, and the visa (extended till 2011) is registered with the old passport number. I was totally clueless at that time, I was worrying this thing all over the time in the plane. Homesicking for awhile and crying a bit (but again, I tried to stop this that makes me look more stupid). What I did was trying to calm down this-ADHD-worry self, and I took my electronic visa letter (kept in by bag) and it said "...if you didn't transfer your visa to the new one, you might face any delays of your departure" Okay this was totally worrying. One thing came out after this chaos was "I should tell the someone in the Jakarta airport and that's all what I could do"

3. Arriving a bit late in Jakarta and thanks God my bags were not left behind me again like they used to be (on November 09) and quickly went to the departure terminal, reported about the whole-shit-thing visa with the woman, and thanks God (again) she said it is fine and I should be okay!

4. Boarding on the plane, seeing lotsa Indonesian students on the same plane. I tried to sleep truly but it was totally hell burning uncomfortable seat. I only slept 2 hours while the flight took 6 hour to melbourne. I watched 2 movies (I won't mention the titles cause people said they are good) that I think they are not really great though. It was really inconvenient since I tried to sleep after I woke up but I couldn't, I watched movie but they weren't good, then.. I was really under the weather for I starved to death (they didn't give any dinner before everyone slept), my stomach was like so over-productive and my head was super dizzy

5. Luckily though I wrote down I have goods to declare, I was permitted to go out directly without any checking and lining the super long line up

6. I am indeed getting thinner!

7. oh and by the way.. that crap is in Melbourne now, no in anyway i'm going to meet him!

Now, I still have no encouragement to study or to start uni life!

DONE.

Last words

2010-02-24T14:16:00.000+11:00

Last day in here, hope that this time everything (esp my studies) will be completely okay and better, so I can move on!

Thanks for the companion from my friends here, everything bothers you and you and you, should I say sorry for that.

Time to remember so next trip we can be together

DONE.

feasible to be seized? I am not!

2010-02-22T14:29:00.000+11:00

Is it so stupid begging for people's attention for what you have done in the past? Or it was me too arrogant not giving any help for apologies anymore? I don't think the second option fits.

We live to be happy and to enjoy it, not to destroy or to suffer from it. So, shortly.. what people have to do is that take it for granted, as I always said "do not whine!" What happens right now might have the answer from the past as well as irrational things. So take it easy, you need not to regret why people became like this or that way because for me, I do have the reason for what is happening now.

Remembering when people were so happy that they forgot about me, now when they are sad then they try to find me right away, it sounds like so yuck! So, what I reckon is that, don't look for me, try anybody else that can suit your remorse, because my term of "friends" is not that feasible to be seized as you thought.

DONE.

Ana's Bday

2010-02-20T16:03:00.000+11:00

What a morning with old buddies! Anyway, announcement! Ana's Bday is today!! (20Feb)

Yesterday I missed out my gym-day because I woke up too late, since I thought my mom would come along with me (which was instead of not coming along) so I didn't initiate to set the super loud alarm from mobile phone the night before. Woke up in despair and shocked because:

1. what again I missed out my gym day? Am I planning to ruining my almost-but-still-far-from perfect body?

2. oh shit! I've promised the trainer, now I'd to cancel it

But today was fun though Vivi decided not to join us. I thought, playing badminton with the other 2 would be boring, but it's not. Next destination was where we could get dimsum with less 50% off! Nothing to be surprised of, since we are and we must not be extravagant. One idea that we talked about which I think it was funny, boobs surgery.

Ana: "hell yeah boobs surgery is too common in Korea nowadays. And even worse, I heard people said that boobs surgery could cause death."

Me: "it's that so terrible? really? why?"

Ana: "don't you ever think that low quality surgeon might use low silicon to fill the boobs?"

Ellen: "how about if someone died because her boobs has already too big then being operated and then... BOOOOOOMMM! It explodes!" (she said with words that have no remorse at all)

I laughed as well as Ana! what a joke!! what make us laugh even more was she said those words with innocent mimic.

Ahhh.. how I wish holiday would never end and we could stick together, not 3 of us, but as it was used to be.

DONE.

a week later yet to come

2010-02-17T22:04:00.000+11:00

3 days of chinese new year have been gone through by everyone and a week later will be my flight to Melbourne. Things are hard to say, I love to stay here (of course and always) but I also want to be back there, apart from the reason of school of course :p

I hate to be back there for I have to have exams and any kinds of turbulence before I can get in here again *phew, and.. I can't watch movie as much as I want anymore (esp. Ugly Betty)

well.. when there is an alpha there will be an omega as well, my God this feels so punitive for myself, going abandon my hometown and facing 12 weeks reality in more or less 1 week :s

they said I get thinner

DONE.

happy lunar new year 2561

2010-02-15T15:48:00.000+11:00

There'd so much things happened now and then. We've been through 2010 new year, and now we're celebrating lunar new year 2561. Again, every new year comes with new resolutions from everyone who intends to change. Me myself have done so much wrong things (of course) but I also saw so many things that people did wrongly. I saw there are couple people showed off what they have, talked craps that express their minds that are totally trash (what's the point bragging like that, please at least do craps that are beneficial), updated their status on facebook which is really annoying and no point doing that at all (if you want to express your feelings, just do it here!)

Not the least, I also want to say sorry for every(bad)word that came out from my mouth, things that I did wrong from my hands, and everything. For what's the point of new year without looking back and manage the future ;) and cheers!

(captured on sacapmeh in Pontianak)

DONE.

with ❤

2010-02-08T20:28:00.000+11:00

Tomorrow! another outdoor session (hopefully!) and cinema FROM PARIS WITH LOVE! and I've just tried light graffiti that've never tried before. Have a nice day!

Lastly, from me with love (just been changed, check it out!)

DONE.

outdoor session

2010-02-06T01:55:00.000+11:00

As It'd been planned, I'd taken several shoots, some are not bad (for me, seriously, it's objective thing matter), but some are so blur, miss out focus, too high iso, blah blah blah!

Visit my album (click here) and sorry it's restricted to my facebook friends only

note: i'm not expecting the best from the results (bcos it's my first time)

and so i think it'd better neither you are rather than commenting craps.

DONE

what to do today

2010-02-05T14:35:00.000+11:00

I thought there are a lotsa things happen these days, I was told by my doctor that I suffer hypotension so I got dizzy very quickly after running, sitting and laying (normally it should be more or less 110, mine is 90). So frustrating, I know that! Well then, though this happens I got my today's plan that I should go out and get some shoots. I've told my friend that I should have got some by asking her to by the model (for practicing for sure). In spite of the burning and tanning sunlight, I will go out, whatever it takes! For I asked her since it was on Sunday, now it's Friday. Imagine it's been almost a week!

Well here is one of the photo that was accidentally taken with my IXUS when we hang out to Jenderal Urip ice cream cafe. Thinking she's cute and easy going so I asked her to be the model.

I don't know about this photo but it seems that something is missing or lacking, either the angle, the color, the sharpness but surely this photo has been edited by getting rid of noises (pssst, too many noises before and the contrast was not so good)

2010-02-02T14:54:00.000+11:00

miraculous 58! LOL-A!!

Thoughts!

2010-01-30T16:20:00.001+11:00

Just a little short thoughts before we say goodbye to January

Can we (everyone with no exceptions) just care and comment on people as the way it should be, I mean not exaggerating or underestimating or even ignoring others? The black side of people usually just judge whatever other things look alike on the first glance. We don't know what people are talking about have been through millions or billions bitterness, sorrow, difficulties, rough times though it yields only tiny bitty dot, but it's still a yield. Right? So, don't talk and comment freely and keep your shit mind out of the hell to stop commenting people like you always always did long long time ago. Be fair to everybody, we are you, and you are we. We are the same though in many aspects aren't.

DONE.

TODAY!

2010-01-27T14:19:00.000+11:00

NOTE: please ignore the date stated above, as I'm really concious that I'm typing thison 27th of Jan, Wed.

Last week my weightscale was 59, I know, I was so happy! Yet, this happiness exaggerates my appetite to emerge at the time that I don't want it to happen! My mom baked the cake that I want, my relative also baked me one, my mom's friend also did. Well haha yes, I ate a lot cakes! While ironically, last week I still wondered, will it be happening if next week my weight becomes 58?
And omedetou for me! My weight neither decreasing nor increasing. Still 59! Now I know the fact, I'm not like people who can increase or decrease weight as long as you want it to happen. Once my weight reduced, I aint gonna be fat anymore, instead either my weight stays the same (which is happening for all the time) or reduced (once in a blue moon occurrence, tell ya I didn't gain any pounces during my stay in Australia).

Anyway, today it's my responsibility to attend the education expo stand, and ironically, the stand that I should stand won't be my uni, but other's. I think they don't have the melb-uni stand. Yet I still want this yeah to kill my time, to practice my so-long-not-spoken-english and to get the money of course!
Today, from 1 to 7pm working. Hope everything would be fine!

DONE.

dear dumbass and dumper

2010-01-23T14:28:00.000+11:00

the dumbass (in black vested one, and for everyone who notices that he always displays his perfect-model-wannabe profile picture on his MSN) is in action! telling lies and truthfully it makes me sick. Heard that my friend was told a vivid lie about his parents' origin, that's sooo yucky!

the dumper is also in action, called me in MSN as nothing happened between me and him. just please can you stay away and take care all of your problems and not to try to ask about how I'm doing? People know between me and you there's nothing to talk about, even say hi (i guess). You and me are different, you as a dumpSHIT, and me as the dumpedSHIT. thank you!

Apart from those people, yesterday after I'd finished my mandarin class, one of the student in my-joined-class asked me "kamu sudah kuliah ya?" (you are in college?) and i said "yes" since she thought that "kirain masih anak SMA" (thought you are still a high school student) HAHA! I told you man! my face doesnt look like a near-20 girl! I'm still 18! my mind still yet my age is not anymore. the other 2 were also surprised when they heard i said i was born in the year of 一九九零 (one nine nine zero = 1990).

DONE.

benchmark is now reduced

2010-01-21T17:01:00.000+11:00

okay I change my weight benchmark to below 60 now! last week I still saw my weight was 59.9 more or less. This week I checked it once more time to see whether or not any good yields come out, and yesss my weight now is 59! what a miracle! I haven't been fifty something since I was in high school, though I tried so many ways to reduce my weight. For many people perhaps 1kg is not a big matter, but for me it matters a lot, cause FYI getting rid of 1 kg equals to everybody else's getting rid of 5 kg! I realized that my body (with heavy big bone in it) is hard to be compromised with, then despite of the fact, it has to be propagandized like the way I'm doing now (dinner menu's changed).

My mom and many other people said, don't be hasty if you want a stable result for a long term period, so what i can do right now is keep moving on and see how this thing can change me.

DONE.

Catch me up

2010-01-16T14:06:00.001+11:00

Inspite of the title, I really want to catch up at least what have been occurred recently. It's not only about being inactive during this very-long holiday but about what should I post. Got some spark when I was having my breakfast couple of minutes ago.

I think I've spent my holiday around 1.5 months by being like this, I mean.. everyday seems the same since it's like repeating the same activities all and all over again. Yet, I found how to spend my time by not wasting it but gaining benefit from it.

Restarting my mandarin class 5 times a week

to be exact, my parents are so eager to see me having 2 different classes which means I have to have 2 different teachers. However honestly, these classes cannot attract my attention at the same time, I only enjoy ONE of my class which are on Thurs and Fris

I have my schedule to watch different tv shows and movies

The one that I love the most since I arrived home is Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. For ones who don't like talky film, it's highly not recommended. It needs high focus and special taste to enjoy this film.

seems a bit oldy for nowadays serial films, but it makes sense a looooooot more than any other kind of films! and here we go, i have to say, TRUST ME! (for this time)

The second that I love is ugly betty and currently it's the last season that is being broadcasted in star world

I guess no need to discuss this revealed-drama anymore, since it's too popular to be discussed again lols

The third that I love is the Ghost adventures

its not drama anymore, I think it's like a reality show but they prey for ghosts and spirits. Despite of the pros cons, I guess this show worth to watch!

The fourth, early edition is! too early to be watched so I watched it in gym (oh yes I forgot to say that, gym is the first activity that I should strive through, though I dislike it the most!!!). It tells about someone who always gets paper with one edition earlier than everybody in the city, since he knows everything that'll be happening, he should wander around the city to help people.

PS. I don't know till when I can stand the pressure to decrease my weight benchmark, though I think I lost weight a bit, but still.. it's too pathetic for me losing weight while I'm in heaven of food here X3

anything more than this, hasn't been thought yet! so i guess have to stop here then.

DONE.

From Melbourne to Singapore

2009-11-20T18:16:00.000+11:00

Finished exams, freedom tastes like heaven. I was the only one and the fastest after all among my friends who go away from Melbourne. Taking Garuda Indonesia as my direct flight and late-slow-check in when I was in Melbourne made 2 of my baggages were left in Melbourne while I flew to Jakarta. This is horrible, and this is my second time my bags are left not because of my fault. I insisted the man to send my bags to Singapore since my medical records are inside! Well, that's the first thing. The next thing is that, I got really short time to say goodbye to all of my friends, I only said to my cousin (because he was the one who sent me to the airport, so it's not very nice if I didn't send him any sms), my landlord and my mom. Though my friends sent me sms, but I didn't really say "bye!" so sorry. To Jessica and to Yuri. I really didn't mean it. Then, when I arrived in Singapore, my battery was running low (oh well!) and I really used it for calling my mom to discuss my left over bags and sms my friend who picked me up, Elena and that's all. IF and only IF, I got my mobile charger with me, surely I'll sms the others, so.. yeah so sorry and I have these excuses. Yesterday was quite a tiring day for me and a shocking day. Well after all, today is running smoothly, got a good night sleep and now I'm waiting for my parents to tell me that they have arrived in Harbour Front.
So pals, happy holiday and I wish goodluck to whoever is still having the exams, and whoever is still in Melbourne and having a very hot day, have a really nice holiday! Wish I were still there and could go skating with you guys :D

DONE.

i even can't believe papers are finished!

2009-11-18T08:07:00.000+11:00

people know very well how freedom tastes like when you've finished your papers and you feel good about it, and I do! I miss a lot this feelings, and I think this semester is gonna be better. Last semester I hate to say that, I have to stay in Jakarta for the only one reason: GOING TO THE DOCTOR and wasted 2 weeks there with shitty jammed city and that's terrible! I only spent my time with my dad in 1 week? that's very terrible :(

Hell yeah this semester I'm going to spend my holiday in 3 months (big laugh) + going to Singapore and spend my private time with my parents (so we're just in 3) + my dad promises me to buy me something, and that sounds very perfect! I know.. I always know, God gives the fairest life for everyone. Yet, 3 months holiday means that soon I'll have to leave my funniest housemates and be back in February to have laughter together again. Well yeah, good luck for everyone who is having the exams, and God bless everybody

DONE.

Exam day -1

2009-11-08T10:43:00.000+11:00

TOMORROW IS EXAM AND I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

though I also pray that, tomorrow is gonna be better than last semester. Amen.

Swotvac day 4

2009-11-05T22:59:00.000+11:00

extremely exhausted = irritable = reluctant to do anything except a good sleep for tonight and it's not too good to have a skype actually, though I gave it one go.

But it turns out to be.. well, I just want to have some rest, so please..

yea.. some sleep.

Nope, I'm not too stupid

2009-11-02T00:34:00.000+11:00

So, folks. Whoever has the quote of "Forgiveness doesn't change the past, but it enlarges the future" perhaps (s)he is not quite right in some ways. If I forgive, then they do the same thing, please is there anybody can tell me that I'm not such a moron to give people more chances to do same mistakes even worse. So please, that quote, should be fixed up! Doesn't mean that I'm not forgiving, but sometimes.. I just.. can't a.k.a UNABLE. Whoever they are, though they WERE my friends, NOW they just aren't, bcause now it's just too difficult to give those forgivenesses. Let facts teach everybody that, this life sometimes is just too bitter and tough. Forgiveness ain't like sins that easily to be done. When they made their decision, that's the time they want me to be what they'd chosen. So, before blame me, blame yourself first!

DONE.

2009-10-28T09:07:00.000+11:00

Headache, exams, sleep, eat, books

no more hangouts until exam ends

Now I don't talk shits anymore

2009-10-20T13:09:00.000+11:00

Why we just don't sit and think for a while about our life? Sit and sip a drink with sunny and beautiful weather outside there. Life is one simple thing that given to us with no price at all, yet we make it precious by filling it with our activities, bullshits, craps and so on. From simple to complicated. Destiny far away there awaits for us. Yet little that everyone knows, we'll definitely get what we are supposed to get no matter what, though people may believe that if we don't struggle on it, we'll miss it out. Well for after all, we still will get it and God will give it to us, with full of hope..

A hope that we will be grateful of something that usually people may forget to be so. And sometimes we just envy each other, whine, and talk craps because we got this, and they got that. Is it so complicated? and the answer is no. Simply, we just have to be grateful for different things, and does it sound simpler? Have a thought wise people! One more last thing, it's just the matter how you make up your life, how you want your life is going to be, how you treat your life and eventually, what decision that you take.

DONE.

I talk shits, craps and assholes

2009-10-17T01:05:00.000+11:00

Probably we are not a perfect creature that will be loved by everyone every time, we might bother people so that they dislike us? But people who talk shits and craps and they don't know that they are the real assholes will never even know that people do not like them in fact. Are friends going to love us? Depends, mate. Life ain't as smooth as we hoped, but life is really beautiful despite of our awareness. Cheers, for our life!

If it just happens to you two times, I've been through this three times. If you've just been through this 4 times, perhaps I've been for 6 times. Nah tell you, wise people.. they are just like

nothing in this world. This is what I call, DUMPERS ARE EVERYWHERE! WOOHOO!

DONE.

2009-10-15T07:04:00.000+11:00

things are just happening all the same way as how they've been through these months. nonetheless, tomorrow business law test (again and this is the last test in teaching period). one more last thing.. i'm very hungry and wasted too much energy explaining and chattering about law with my friend through phone last night.

-hope everything is alright for everybody-

DONE.

Love You FULL

2009-10-09T00:29:00.000+11:00

I DON'T KNOW WHY recently I think of my grandma. I MISS HER!! I just want to go home soon veryy soon and I really miss my family more than ever. I guess my mom will drop her tears if she knows that I really miss my family. The answer is simple, I'm not a kinda person who talks "I MISS YOU" especially to mw own fams. Weird, yes it is.

Yesterday, before I went to have my short nap, I laid down and my old memories when I was still in primary gathered in my brain and pull me down further to my grandma's face. I still remembered when she bought me hair clips that I still bring in Melbourne though I rarely clip them on my hair. I also still remembered when she bought me dolls that actually I don't really like, but thanks God I never told her, so at least she's happy that she made me happy.

I heard from my aunt, my grandma is a strong woman, I meant she never whines about her childhood when she never experienced a truly childhood that perhaps she wanted ever! When Japanese still intervened Indonesia, when her stepmom did something harsh, what I can tell.. I LOVE YOU!

Even more, I almost cried when I saw this video (introduced by Cynthia Tjiupek lol)

See? Did you see? Did you feel something? I guess you should have! I mean.. perhaps I can't do such a thing to my own parents right now. but somehow.. I need to give and show my affection, like a real and significant one to them. To my grandma as well. I will go home, very soon! very very soon. I'll bring her some thing from Singapore, and I think I know where I can get the things! Look, for those who hate your fams, just please stop hating them. For those who don't, just show your love more, and even more.

DONE.

These days

2009-10-05T11:32:00.000+11:00

Today school starts, woohoo! woohoo because I'll submit my assignments this week altogether with some BOO because it means it's only 5 weeks away from FINAL EXAM (again). I still remember how it feels like preparing bunch of stuffs for final exam, it feels yuck!

I also ate a lot these 3 days, I thought by stopping snacking at the afternoon will remove my guilty, yet.. 3 of my friends had their birthdays and CAKES everywhere. It's terribly nice to have cakes, but.. my guilty ends in my tummy, and that's not very nice.

Here are the recaps:

This is last night's Nicholas's bday:

Jessica Violyta's bday:

The most expensive one, Emmy Cendana's bday:

Anyways, old songs have its own beauty. Listened to various old songs such as Ayumi's and Avril's and they are all great! I love old songs more than nowadays'. Seems the meaning are not artificial or overwhelming which is great! Let Go, Under My skin, Duty, LOVEppears, me likeyyy!

DONE.

Cheesecake

2009-09-29T09:52:00.000+10:00

I was like very excited since this was the second time I made cake. The first time actually I just accompanied my friend, but it turned out to be very successful cake. Now, when we wanted to make a real cheesecake, only the base turned out to be a proper cake, the cheese? Forget it! Though, when we made the topping, the cheese looked damn nice, but somehow the cheese became not as solid as it seemed before. Any suggestions? :(

DONE.

The Melbourne and the Melbournian

2009-09-27T15:47:00.000+10:00

I don't know the exact reason of how come I decided to have a jog for this morning. Yes, but since I haven't done exercises for such a long time, I just jogged for awhile, and walked for a longer time. Today is really freezing! Besides that, the wind is really killing. Everything seems like almost blown away. Look! I went to uni today, and had many difficulties to reach my destination. Firstly, the wind. Secondly, I and my friend were trapped in the connecting lane of ICT building and The Spot. So sad! Ah, forget that shameful experience.

Anyways, another issue is that, don't believe for anyone out there who always tries to make nice words spelled out from their mouth. Ah! Especially the one who makes you cry and hurts your heart with those nice words, believe me, those words are unreliable! I just can't imagine the whole thing can happen that simple, I don't have any limit for this kind of situation imagination, and how come it happens! Let me tell you something, if your friends, more than one tell you about someone who actually is not really nice behind your back, well.. you should beware!

DONE.

I'm not a hypocrite

2009-09-25T23:30:00.001+10:00

i just want to clarify that..

I'm not a kinda person who always being too busy but facebook is still updated everytime.

I'm not a kinda person who will ever forget old friends, call me rubbish if I do that.

I'm not a kinda person who will let down friends purposely, never will i do it.

It's just too painful when I know that anyone.. anyone out there thinks I might forget my old friends and might only get along with new friends. I told ya buddy! Seriously, I get along better with my old friends than my new friends.

See deep inside yourself before telling people like that. I'm just like you, a human, who has heart.. even too soft to accept any hard facts.

I'm not a hypocrite!

If anyone doesn't believe me, well.. only God knows well the accuracy of what I have told

DONE.

For my dear..

2009-09-25T22:58:00.000+10:00

Dearest friend who had just broken up,
i wish you will be alright, though you don't know i may support you through this. Love may color your life for awhile, but it may darken your life for awhile as well. I didn't mean to hate this kind of love, but I hope through this time, you'll be strengthened even more than before. Once you've been through this, surely you'll be more mature and even more than you expect. Remember that, God has planned everything for us. If he is yours, he'll be back for you. If he isn't, he'll be dumped elsewhere we might never know. It's alright to shed tears, but for me, I think tears will be useless to be wasted if it's more than 24 hours. I'd think my future to be brightened rather than crying over the spilt milk.
Friends are everywhere for you to be asked for helps. Just call anyone, and the best ones will be there for you.
-------------------------------------------------

And last sentence means a lot for me, very much. That's why I hate people who dump me only for their lovers. They are just too stupid to be a human! If you ask me to be happy for your relationship and you've done this thing to me, just pray I'll be kind to give you a smile, which I won't give you EVER!

and for my dearest friend.. perhaps Ayumi's lyric can represent your feelings.

浜崎あゆみ - For my dear...

Maybe I'm singing this song because

I can't say the words I want to say the most.

The happiness I've dreamed of

is best before it's realized because

If I finally achieve it, I'll be attacked

by my fear of losing it.

So people aren't simple enough

to satisfy me.

Everyone has their wounds,

but sometimes kindness

soaks in. It hurts a lot;

so much that they being to cry.

I'm healed by my loneliness.

I don't want to be alone,

I have you, so

I want to sleep peacefully.

Maybe because someday I'll be able to say

the words I want to, I sing on and on.

Maybe I've come to like this person because

I can't hear the words I want to hear the most.

(Credit to: wataru)

Anyways, Kyuhyun's song is too nice to be listened, i mean it in a good sense though. I love the last part of the lyrics, when someone hopes for your love but you don't have the same feelings for others. It hurts a lot and everyone knows how it feels (only for sensible people). It's just too painful. Wish two people out there would be more sensible as well, because I know the they would never feel the same way how hard it is to be dumped, even though I tried to tell them, they just can say "I didn't mean that way" and thanks.. I only regard your sentence as a BULLSHITS.

DONE.

7 years of love

2009-09-22T23:43:00.000+10:00

❤ KYUHYUN ❤

We met for seven years
No one knew we would say goodbye this easily
However we still separated
With the memories we built for a long time, now gone
How did we at such a young age
Meet each other, I don’t even remember how
Difficult for us to handle the maps of our changing selves
They said saying goodbyes are painful
But I didn’t even have time to feel that
I just thought this is the way staying composed
But I cried
Time passed it gave me a simple yearning
Different from what my mind was seeing
At first friends then next as lovers
We said we’d stay as friends even if we separated
During those 3 years spent alone
We contacted each other sometimes
Even if I met someone else again
Even I loved again
Whenever I was sad I would call you without a word just tears falling
You have to meet a good person
I thought in my heart without any words
I asked if you still liked me without any thought hoping you say it back
I know
We had the most pure love
Back then we thought that kind of love couldn’t be done again se we saved it in out memories
Often I feel a cold feeling from you
But now I know you can not ask anything
“I’m getting married” is what you said to me
After that for a long time I was speechless
Then I cried they were your last words to me
For the only words I wanted to hear was that you loved me

DONE.

What my mom said..

2009-09-17T21:31:00.000+10:00

It starts to make sense remembering what my mom always says!

- "Don't give up! When you failed once, it doesn't mean that by all means next time you'll also fail"

- "Don't cry over spilt milk, get up and stand up quickly if you don't want your milk wasted even more"

I got my score for BPA today, i was quite shocked tho haha. It's only average, not ABOVE average. As I've promised myself quite a few times not to WHINE, I try to keep silent and look a bit longer at my score on the computer screen (the grade was accessed through portal). At first, I thought, haiah.. I did poorly again this time? Then I walked and went to the BPA lecture and listened to people chattering about their BPA scores as well. If I'm not badly mistaken, a girl said in confidence, "I heard my friend's tutor said that, if you got 14 out of 20 it means that you've done quite well" Once I heard that, my heart was relieved from 10000 tons of elephant queueing to pee in my brain (too much!) Then, a girl who sat next behind me also said that, "My friend only got 9 out of 20!" HAHA! Soo at least I'm not as worse as her friend (big victory finger raised up)

Well.. Although if I'm the only little stupid creature who just got average mark, which is 12 out of 20, I promise myself not to cry over this spilt assignment, heyy 12 is not that bad i guess. Next project will be better, and it's a promise of course! Tomorrow one more assignment will be given back, and I put no more hope with this one. Not because I can't do it! I spent time with my friends to discuss about it, but i think there's some biases occured when our beloved Nills Olekalns was away to the hospital and the replacing lecturers with tutors got some inaccurate guiding mark or something like that i guess. But please God, strengthen me! Amen.

Ah yes, besides all over my marks and marks jabber, I was very happy to see both of my cousins have graduated from their course. Congratulationnnnnn!! I wish I could graduate faster, but well ahaha.. surely when everyone has graduated from their uni, they will miss what's happening in uni life.

DONE.

NEW SPOTTED MORONS!

2009-09-16T18:07:00.001+10:00

AHA SPOT ON!

I think I can curse two people who always update unimportant status and whineeeeeeeeeeeee all the time once they post up their latest status! E and A! a bitc*y and a los*r! Guess I think those are suitable for both of them. If you think that you are one of which I mentioned, and feeling like want to piss off, are those terms worsen as much as you worsen your life by yourself? HAHA! I don't think so! Why don't you just back away and take care of your stuffs rather than whining? Facebook is so so and sooo much better without you two!!

Ah! and anyways.. i got H1 for my second skill task of LAW! WOO! (this is how human should do, try not to whine and focus on what a human is supposed to do!) Thanks God millions and trillions timeee! xxooxxoo!

DONE.

SuJu-M SUPER GIRL ❤

2009-09-15T19:50:00.000+10:00

Super Junior Mandarin's new song! Check it out!

SUPER GIRL

DONE.

2009-09-13T10:44:00.000+10:00

INTERNET PLEASE STARTS WORKING PROPERLY!

IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS ALREADY!

KILL THE BIG BIMBO SOON!

DONE.

That's life! and try to smile, please!

2009-09-11T21:05:00.000+10:00

According to Australia Government Weather Forecast today's wind speed will be up to 55kph. Seems impossible and makes no sense eh? I thought so, but now I don't. I've just come home with medusa hair and messy look on me after 15 minutes walk from the Spot to home.

Another same day, finishes class, continues study till late, come home and take shower, continue reading.. SO FREAKIN' MANY READING AH! Today's not bad though, I think I didn't screw up my second law test eventually! haha. Hope at least I get pass anyway.

What else? Umm.. Tomorrow, weekend, yeah.. Saturday is another day to study, I mean finishing up this week law tutorial and brainstorming at least one assignment. Phew! Being uni student is not fun, what I only enjoy is hanging out with friends and looking for new taste of foods. Ah not forgotten, last point! exam is around the corner. I still think that one of my friend yet starts her new semester while us in Melbourne are soon having final exam, ironic rite? that's life!

SOME NOTES FROM HELEN:

Remember! For me, I don't dare to whine anymore, at least I try not to. Thinking about my parents' effort to make ends meet for themselves and for my supermassive expensive tuition fee without any whines. So.. I don't dare to. YOU? For everyone who thinks still suffering from any not-going-well-life, think about your parents' face when they try very hard to make your life goes well, I doubt that you'll still whine. No whining please! Smile! and be grateful!

DONE.

Across my own made universe

2009-09-10T23:01:00.001+10:00

Where am I? Where did I go? When did I go back?
AHA! I guess I've been a bit missing out from the real life.

- I think ERC library is my second home sweet home, I stayed till so late there and went home with no spirit anymore, i.e. sleeping is the best solution, no msn, no yahoo, no facebook.

- I saw a prince charming there ahaha! He must be Chemical engineering guy I suppose so.

- I almost went sick this afternoon, perhaps it's because I went home tiredly recently.

- Nah! tomorrow I'll get one test, wish me luck! please! oh please! God bless me! Amen.

- The Big BABO will be attacked by us! the Indonesians!

- I think I can't really forgive and forget about last 2 weeks trouble maker! nah! nah! nah!

- I want my mid break without assignments please, but this is certainly only my dream, across my own made universe.

- I craved old korean drama soundtrack.

- I still can't make my mind to realize that I will be having my final exams soon AGAIN. It seems like last month holiday to Sydney and my hometown were still very clear and stuck on my brain. Time flies so fast that perhaps soon I'll start to not believing that I'm living in this life rather than in dreams. Oh well..

- Sleep tite everyone! Hope tomorrow sun will shine and wind breezes as in Melbourne will.

DONE.

SCORPION TURNS OUT TO BE A BIG BIMBO!

2009-09-08T13:03:00.000+10:00

She's fat! and of course her tummy is not flat!

She has no brain! and her words are only such as rain, falls and no one ignores.

Yeaaah! she is our beloved and be-hate-d scorpion. **** **** (i don't dare to name her out).

1. She didn't tell us that there are 2 kinds of contract available here, which are part board (not included meals) and full board, and what we all know (Indonesian esp) is only full board, like what we are now, having meal with about $350 p.w. (and even higher than that)

2. She even doesn't allow my housemate who asks for transferring full to part board with her nonsense reasons that Trinity and Melbourne Uni students are not allowed to do that. Can i ask many questions again? Where does this kind of stupid term come from? How about former Melbourne uni students who were also part board? silly and moron and big BABO!

3. Part board is about $250 pw, and full board like us is $350 for the cheapest. And let's calculate it, the difference is about $100, and it can be said this $100 is for our meal, which part board doesn't have, and full board does. $100 divided by 5 weekdays = $20 a day for stupid meal? One dinner costs $20? HOW COME? It still can be arguable if the meal is nice and w-o-w one, but this? even a beggar i think won't accept the foods.

4. Internet is being banned because lotsa gigabyte has been used up in a week, what a reason! We've paid expensively, and is this the only option of compassion that we have?

STUPID! MORON! BABO! BALE! BEGO! WHAT ELSE!!! JUST GO TO HELL LAH YOU!!!

Surely i'll move next year! it's a must! A BIG MUST!

DONE.

District 9

2009-09-06T21:42:00.000+10:00

Check out more in the district 9 official website

District 9, recommendation: 4 out of 5 for those who damn like stuffs about alien and a bit gross in picture.

Soundtrack: Good.

Movie-plot: Boring for the first 15 minutes (they tried to make this film to be a documentary film but the fiction one, and this is so-called science fiction film!)

Effect: Nice.

Gross level: Good.

DONE.

does scorpion have no brain?

2009-09-04T08:46:00.000+10:00

Look who is talking without using the brain!

I guess everyone knows that I live in a hostel in Melbourne. Well, we usually chatter about our fussy landlord, call her scorpion. lol! Last night, we (I'm in a groupwork) rushed our last assignment working day till 11 p.m in the library. If you think that I'm lying, guess how the condition is when the librarian went to each floor and shouted "THE LIBRARY IS CLOSING SHORTLY!" GUESS HOW!

Yet, unfortunately, i forgot there was a meeting held last night @ 8:45 p.m perhaps?! I really forgot, or perhaps you guys can excuse me because the due is today and i think is okay if i skip the unimportant meeting. Today, housemate told me that, she hoped everyone to come and no excuse for skipping.

Now can I ask MANY questions?

1. Can you explain which one is more important between going to meeting and just say hello stuffs like that, or finishing the assignment which is due today? ITS face isnt worth any percentage, but my work worth 10%! And it helps me to pass the subject! but the scorpion? slap me if IT can help!

2. Can you explain that, how come you make your own rule when you yourself usually skip more than everyone does? Feel unhealthy? YOU SAID THAT THERE'S NO EXCUSE! NO EXCUSE MEANS NO EXCUSE!

3. What's the point to have such a meeting? nonsense! you said that you love your student, but when all of us whine about our lotsa homework at the meeting, you ask us to shut up.

CONCLUSION: CLEARLY AND VERY CLEAR IN EVERYONE'S MIND! THE SCORPION ONLY WALKS AND SEARCHES PREYERS TO BE KILLED without using brain! so guess how stupid it sounds!

LESSONS FOR ME AND EVERYONE WHO IS INSULTED:

Try and think about other people's whether or not they are hurt just because of your words though you are only joking, but expressly ask for apology rather people's intention to forgive has evaporated!

DONE.

❤ 최시원

2009-09-02T17:25:00.000+10:00

CHOI SIWON!

and I love (장리인) Jang Ri Yin's song.

Jang Ri Yin - I will (Staring HanKyung, Siwon & Lee Yeon Hee)

Ariel Lin - Fireflies (Staring Ariel Lin, Siwon & Donghae)

Jang Ri Yin & Xiah Junsu - Timeless Part 1 & Part 2 (Staring HanKyung, Siwon & Lee Yeon Hee)

Special message for:

Yurii: Eh you said you like DongHae and Siwon, watch the 3 links there!

Jesslyn: Jess you said you want to see HANDSOME LOOKING GUY! Click either those links, you'll see Siwon is BERRY CUTE! and Timeless song is nice though it's in Korean version.

DONE.

ジレンマ

2009-09-01T23:41:00.000+10:00

I [...] YOU!
Trevor Tonkin (Melb. Uni BPA lecturer) said:
"Fill in the brackets whatever rude [nice] words that you want!"

For myself, I simply want to choose both kinds of words! may I? And there are some questions that I want to ask to you!

- Do you still remember the time that you told me that ステファニー's song?

- Do you still remember the time that you told me that our favorite songs of Yuna Ito are the same?

- Do you still remember the time that almost a year ago, we still went to Tulip Festival together with the others?

- Do you still remember the time that we went to HOYTS and snapped out some pictures in front of Wall-E picture?

- Do you still remember the time that you said you cried when you heard about my problem?

- Do you still remember the time we spent our time in Trinity together?

- Do you still remember the time we had lunch almost everyday together?

- Do you still remember the time when I told you that I cried out loud when you left me?

- Do you still remember the time when we went to Chapel St together?

- Do you still remember the time of all these stuffs?

I couldn't tell anyone what I feel right now for it feels so strong that I'm having difficulties to say it directly. Perhaps it's called a dilemma. I love you but I also hate you.

I waste my time still thinking about these things.

I fool myself still thinking about sweet memories that have been passed.

I hurt myself still thinking about you who don't really care about me at all! AT ALL!

I don't have any other reasons still waiting you pop up and call me and say hello and tell jokes.

The sky is spacious, but it's not enough to draw the clouds upon my feelings.

DONE.

マリオネット

2009-08-31T22:41:00.000+10:00

Marionette - 浜崎あゆみ

[ Click Here to see Marionette MV ]

Memories are always beautiful

In the eyes of everyone

In the same way

But, yes

We actually know

That there is more

Please don't forget

Me, that girl and you

We were not born to live

Just putting on a front

And hiding a face

Like the dead

We can look back on the past

Because we passed there

We stopped and stepped forward again

Please remember

Me, that girl and you

We got hurt

Even lost sight of light

And gave up more than once

But still we are here

Now, let's stand up without fear

For the sake of no one else

And rip off the masks

With our own hands

----------------------------------------------------------------

deeply, this is for you and only for you.

i miss you so much though i can't tell right away to you.

this is for you, and only for you.

i would tell it out loud if i could.

but this lyrics will tell instead of me.

and this is for you, will only for you.

i miss you.

DONE.

50% of the course is being completed

2009-08-31T00:24:00.000+10:00

[WEEK 6]

and it's not good approaching final exam!

DONE.

Get ready cause you'll be paid in return

2009-08-30T15:38:00.001+10:00

I just talked about, I saw people in group laughed so loudly before. It's not hard to guess why everyone does that, it's fun!

Last night, went to city, went to Yoyogi (Swanston St) and had dinner with 2 of my friends. Shared laugh and fun all the way through, it's super really fun! Omg! I'm feeling like that "thing" is what I missed out so many weeks ago.

Thanks for Jessica and Marsya for the fun shared with me.

I've said, remember that everything will be paid to you.

You get sorrow, you'll be paid with fun and joy.

You do things wrong, you'll be paid with your own karma.

You lose precious things, you'll be paid with something more precious.

You fail, you'll get the triumph one day.

You feel lonely, you'll find friends to talk to.

And I always remember that.. every second that I've got, that's the real point why I'm living in this world, and God has the reason for everything.

So I just don't whine, though I feel upset of something. Just move on!

I can do it, learnt from what I did in the past. Why can't you?

DONE.

Solely soul

2009-08-28T20:35:00.001+10:00

When there is no one to talk to, what I do is just go to the city,

enjoy myself for an hour or two.

Window shopping is okay, even better really shopping.

Getting a slice of New York Baked Cheesecake and signature hot chocolate in Starbucks, reading my tutorial sheets, and looking around where people can shout

and laugh as loud as they want in a group.

While myself in sole, I just realized that I missed out someone

who I always talk to and hang out with.

While the one is having fun and lying to me of what is happening.

Suppose I'm not a really good person to be talked with (?)

God knows, I know but not very precisely, but time will tell.

Let it flow.. but I can't wait till the water finishes flowing.

Yet my wrath grows, my conscience also tells that this is the time

I have to speak out and tear out! Nothing to hide anymore..

I'm used!

I'm dumped!

I'm deceived!

What else can you both do to me as your really good friend?

What else? any other functions?

What is good with new lover while your old friend really love you!

When two of you realize that best friend is expensive to get,

my pain will be paid. Now I'm not willing to make you both to feel how painful it is.

Let God decides what the best for you two UNGRATEFUL HUMANS!

My tears are also expensive, one tear costs a very bitter pain of my heart.

And one day, karma will come to you and ask you to pay for that.

I dont need to do anything, besides waiting.

And for other friends of mine though they are not very close and even the close one,

thanks very much! I know this world is not only full with bad people,

but there are still some of like you. Thanks!

DONE.

Thank you WORLD!

2009-08-27T23:48:00.000+10:00

Thank you papa for the solo-Singapore-trip, love you full!

Thank you God for teaching me how to see people!

Thank you for teaching me how to be a good friend!

Thank you for not straight away believing a person!

Thank you for dumping me, so it proves me that I'm not worth for your bad!

Thank you.. Thank you.. though my tears are shedding, my heart's shouting, my mind's in silent.

Keep teaching me in anyway that You plan.

Keep teaching me to be a mature one.

Keep teaching me to respect others' privacy.

Keep teaching me to do right ethics.

Keep teaching me.. keep going.. as I'll be more grateful to You.

DONE.

happy assignment!

2009-08-26T18:37:00.000+10:00

Currently am having assignments, plus its entities (tutorials)

plus study materials for this week

plus sacrificed weekend

but not next weekend!

Next weekend: Indo-girls-day with movies and fun (hopefully)

DONE.

They are just ungrateful!

2009-08-26T00:11:00.000+10:00

PLEASE!

AM I TOO BAD TO BE DUMPED AND TO BE USED AS SHIELD?

don't call me your friend then..

I want to help you guys, but you just..

like i'm the only one who is the dumbest!

well then.. keep going! keep walking!

DONE.